Sunday Matinee #92 You Hurt My Feelings
"Truth hurts" isn't just a catchy song.
Mark 10:17-31 | EnterTheBible.org
Twenty-First Sunday After Pentecost | 10.13.2024
Context: After Jesus blesses the children, he leaves to teach elsewhere. But not before a person runs up to him sure and confident that he’s figured out the secret of life. When this man hears what Jesus has to say, he walks away upset. Life wasn’t the little puzzle box he thought he so creatively solved.
17 As he was setting out on a journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 18 Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness. You shall not defraud. Honor your father and mother.’ ” 20 He said to him, “Teacher, I have kept all these since my youth.” 21 Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, “You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” 22 When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving, for he had many possessions.
You Hurt My Feelings | 2023
IMDb | Letterboxd | RRMC
Context: While out for a day of walking, talking, and window shopping, Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and her sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins) stumble across Beth’s husband, Don (Tobias Menzies) and his brother, Mark (Arian Moayed). Before Beth can make her presence known, she overhears Don tell Mark that he doesn’t like the new book that Beth is working on. Beth is completely shocked. She sneaks away, with Don none the wiser. When she and Sarah get outside, Beth has a mini panic attack.
Sarah: He doesn’t love your book! Okay? He doesn’t love your book. I mean, who cares?
Beth: You understand, I’ve been working on this book for two years, right? I’ve given him, like, a million drafts to read. And every time he reads it, every single time, he tells me how much he loves it. Every single time!
Sarah: Just because he doesn’t, like, you know, get it, or whatever…
Beth: And now my hands have gone numb. For real.
Sarah: Hey, can you take a deep breath?
Beth: I am breathing, Sarah!
Sarah: You’re going to talk to him?
Beth: Well, that’s a joke!
Commentary:
“Truth hurts” isn’t just a great song by Lizzo.
We get a few stories of would-be disciples of Jesus walking away. For example in Luke 9, one person says I’ll follow you, just but Jesus knows he won’t be able to say goodbye to his home. Another says I’ll follow but let me take care of some personally business first, so Jesus says hey, we gotta go. Yet another says I’ll follow but let me make sure life is all set first before I commit, so Jesus says, I’m sorry, this isn’t going to work out. We get another story like that here.
Here’s a man who is certain he has it all figured out. He asks what he has to do to inherit eternal life. That is not a question you ask unless you’re absolutely certain that you have already got it in the bag. When Jesus responds, he’s shocked. First, Jesus says keep these 6 of the 10 commandments: no murder, adultery, stealing, bearing false witness, or cheating, plus honor your parents. Oh good, says the man, I’m doing all of that! Second, Jesus takes it one step further.
Jesus doesn’t list the other 4 of the 10 commandments - have no Gods before God, don’t make idols instead of loving God, don’t take God’s name in vain, and keep a sabbath to honor God - because these should be no-brainers. Get right with God in order to get right with your neighbor. But it’s 1 of these 4 the man lacks: he has made an idol out of his stuff. He doesn’t own stuff. His stuff owns him!
The response hits him hard. And the truth absolutely hurts.
You Hurt My Feelings is a deep dive study into tough truths in marriage. When Beth accidentally overhears Don confide in his brother that he doesn’t like her new book, she is devastated. She turns away and almost begins to vomit, she’s so upset. If he couldn’t tell her the truth for two years, can she tell him the truth about hearing his truth two minutes ago?! That’s the entire conceit of the film, and it is compelling. Anyone who has accidentally learned tough truth knows this feeling. Anyone who has accidentally spoken tough truth knows this feeling. And like the man who heard tough truth from Jesus, is can hit hard.
I was absolutely charmed by the film You Hurt My Feelings. It feels so real. This is the sort of thing that happens in love. You try to support one another. You aren’t always perfect. Then, the other person finds out how imperfect you are. I really appreciate that this wasn’t just “a very special episode” of whatever ABC prime time TV show is the current darling of the public. Instead, it’s an hour and a half of figuring out how to love through hard truths.
That’s part of what Jesus does with his follow-up comments to the disciples. This is not an indictment on having wealth or possessions, but rather a cautionary tale on whether your wealth and possessions have you. Likewise, You Hurt My Feelings isn’t about handling truth to maintain the peace, but maintaining the peace by how you handle the truth.
The man has told several little white lies to himself about himself. But Jesus loved him, so he spoke the truth. Beth and Don eventually admit several little white lies they told one another. Because they love each other, they start speaking the truth. Does it dissolve their marriage, or strengthen it? You’ll have to watch the movie, Dear Reader, to find that out.
Who will tell you the truth? Who can support you while being honest? Who do you do this for in return?
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