Sunday Matinee #77 Goodfellas
Let's talk about men and crying.
2 Samuel 1:1, 17-27 | EnterTheBible.org
Sixth Sunday After Pentecost | 06.30.2024|
Context: Young David may have killed the giant Goliath, he may have formed a special bond with the king’s son, Jonathan, and he may be a formidable warrior himself, but eventually the king Saul is uneasy with him and tries to have him killed. David and Saul go back and forth, with David sparing his life twice, especially due to his bond with Jonathan. Despite all of this infighting, David is grieved when Saul and his sons - including Jonathan - are brutally killed by the Philistines, their bodies desecrated. He weeps for their deaths and the blow struck to the ancient kingdom of Israel here, shortly before he himself is made the new king.
25 How the mighty have fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan lies slain upon your high places. 26 I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; greatly beloved were you to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. 27 How the mighty have fallen, and the weapons of war perished!
Goodfellas | 1990
IMDb | Letterboxd | RRMC
Context: Jimmy (Robert de Niro) and Henry (Ray Liotta) are proud of their friend, Tommy (Joe Pesci). These aren’t just pals. These are “good fellas,” killer mobsters who look out for each other no matter what. That includes when Tommy murdered Billy Batts (Frank Vincent), an untouchable, a “made man.” Tommy is led to believe by the crime bosses that he, too, is to become a made man, and Jimmy and Henry wait for him at the cafe. But when Tommy arrives at a home expecting a welcoming party, the room is empty. He has a split second to realize he is about to be killed before he’s shot to death. Jimmy takes a call at the payphone with Vinnie (Charles Scorsese) to check up on Tommy. He doesn’t get the news he expects.
Jimmy: Yeah.
Vinnie: Yeah.
Jimmy: Who's this?
Vinnie: This is Vinnie.
Jimmy: Vinne! What happened? Did we get straightened out?
Vinnie: Well, we had a problem. And uh, we tried to do everything we could.
Jimmy: What do you mean?
Vinnie: Well, you know what I mean. He's gone, and we couldn't do nothin’ about it. That's it.
Jimmy: What do you mean? What do you mean? Uh--
Vinnie: He's gone. Uh, he's gone. And that's it.
Jimmy beats the receiver against the payphone.
Jimmy: I knew it! I can't fucking believe it. I can't fuckin-- Those fuckers.
Henry runs out of the cafe.
Henry: What happened?!
Jimmy: They whacked him. They fucking whacked him.
Henry: Oh, fuck.
Jimmy kicks the phone booth until it comes crashing down. He breaks down crying.
Henry: You all right?
Back at the house, Tommy bleeds out while mobsters stand over his body.
Henry (voiceover): It was revenge for Billy Batts, and a lot of other things.
Vinnie: And that's that.
Henry (voiceover): And there was nothing that we could do about it. Batts was a made man; Tommy wasn't. We had to sit still and take it.
Commentary:
Let’s talk about men crying.
When I was a teenager in the 90s, the young men in my class and I got a deluge of messages from health class, counselors, and other “official” adults about how “It’s okay for guys to cry” or “It’s okay for guys to have emotions” or “It’s okay for guys to be sensitive.” I fully believed that, and in my experience then and now, I find it to be true. Back then, there was also an “unofficial” message out there: “Real men don’t cry.” “Suck it up.” “If you’re emotional, you’re [insert misogynistic or homophobic grossness here].” Getting both messages was pretty exhausting.
Has much really changed? I see the data and articles from even the past few years and it looks like nearly 30 years later, we’re still struggling with this dual official/unofficial message about men, feelings, and men expressing feelings. Harvard University shows off new research with “Is crying good for you?” Psyche Central says “It’s healthy for men to cry.” The American Psychological Association says social norms impact who cries and why, including men. What is it going to take for culture in the US to finally tip that crying is healthy, including for men?
For the record, I cry and I feel just fine about it.
Let’s go back to scripture. Here is David, crying over the loss of his rival, King Saul, and his friend and Saul’s son, Jonathan. He laments their deaths in battle, even as their forces were in battle with his own. In the big picture, David knows the loss of King Saul will be devastating for his people. While it’s fair to say Saul was not a great king, the Israelites would of course mourn the loss of their king. And though they were rivals, David knows Saul is a great loss. Then we get Jonathan. David’s friendship with him goes way back, and the loss of his friend is incalculable. Much has been made of their relationship and what it was exactly (see 1 Samuel 20:17 or 1 Samuel 19:1) but the point is this: these men had love for one another. To lose a great love and to not weep, I will be so bold as to say that is not healthy. When David weeps, it is a healthy thing.
Let’s go over to Goodfellas. The fast-paced mob movie gets its name from something Henry (Ray Liotta) tells us in narration: “You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, ‘You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.’ You understand? We were good fellas.” He goes on to explain why he and Jimmy (Robert De Niro) cannot become a “made man” like Tommy (Joe Pesci), but through Tommy, it’s like they’re all being made.
Then they kill Tommy.
When Jimmy gets the news, he weeps. Perhaps it’s for the bigger picture of he and Henry no longer feeling “made,” but more so it’s for the loss of his friend. He is devastated over Tommy’s murder (in battle, so to speak) and he cries despite himself. I can feel Jimmy responding to the two messages I received growing up: it’s good for men to cry, it’s not good for men to cry. He thinks he’s done crying, but when he gives Henry the news, he cries again. He turns from Henry, from the camera and us, as well. Henry attempts to touch his shoulder to comfort him, but pulls back with awkward uncertainty. It’s as close as we see these three men truly be “good fellas” to and with one another, and it’s in a weepy, tragic mess.
I would not be surprised if some of the men out there who say it’s not okay for men to cry are also men who say to read your Bible - where David weeps out of love for his friend, Jonathan - and that Goodfellas is an amazing movie - where Jimmy weeps out of love for his friend, Tommy.
Mixed messages stink.
Here’s to living out new messages in a new age for men, emotions, and crying.