My 2024 R-Rated Movies at Home Ranked: First Watch Edition Part 1
I saw 56 R-rated movies for the first time at home in 2024. Here's the worst.
You thought my 2024 lists of theater movies and repeat-at-home movies (part 1, part 2) were epic? Buckle up, Dear Reader, because we’ve got 3 lists of 56 first-time watches of R-rated movies ranked!
2024 was the year I went back to the movies at home. I decided to watch as many movies as possible, and of those to have as many of them be first-time viewings as possible. I watched 167 movies total at home this year, and of those 88 were rated R (or unrated or TV-MA and essentially R-equivalent), and of those, 56 were first-time viewings. You may recall that at the end of 2023, I ranked my 2023 theatrical R-rated movies and lamented that The Holdovers was out of theaters already by the end of December. Lucky me, it’s on the list this year!
56 is a lot, so I’m breaking this up into three parts:
1. 18 Movies rated 0 - 2.5 out of 5 (YOU ARE HERE.)
2. 15 Movies rated 3 - 3.5 out of 5
3. 23 Movies rated 4 - 5 out of 5
Did you see any of these? Let me know what you thought of them. Here we go!
My 2024 R-Rated Movies at Home Ranked: First Watch Edition Part 1
Skinamarink (2022) 0.5 out of 5 Boring McBoringsons
I heard some people loved this. I am completely not these people. No thanks.
Event Horizon (1997) 0.5 out of 5 1990s CGI-fests
This came out when I was a teenager. I finally saw it in 2024. I missed nothing.
Blood Games (1990) 1.5 out of 5 Nineties Be Ninetying
Every 10 minutes, I yelled at the screen: “Juuust caaall the cooooops!” Hmm. Maybe every 5 minutes.
God’s Pocket (2014) 1.5 out of 5 Unlucky Losers
I just don’t do well with sad sack protagonist movies. It’s why I still haven’t seen Hidden Gems. I had to stop and start this one a few times.
#AMFAD All My Friends Are Dead (2024) 2 out of 5 Hashtags
I heard this was fun, and I bet the committee who target demographiced this movie to death had fun, too.
Halloween Ends (2022) 2 out of 5 Unstoppable Evils
I saw Halloween (2018) and Halloween Kills (2021) in the theater, but this one got away from me. Sadly, the trilogy devolved. I’ll roll with the ending. Thank, Jamie Lee!
Scary Movie (1991) 2 out of 5 Haunted Hayrides
People put a lot of heart into making this movie. You’ve got to hand it to independent filmmakers. John Hawkes is great in his brief role in From Dusk Till Dawn and carries the movie well here.
Maestro (2023) 2.5 out of 5 Baton Twirls
I admit, I only watched this to see all 10 Best Picture nominees. It was my least favorite.
Burnt (2015) 2.5 out of 5 Family Dinners
I saw the “apologize” clip online a thousand times before seeing this one. Ultimately, the parts are greater than the whole, to me. Maybe I don’t “get” fine dining restaurant worker lifestyle. I have that same nagging feeling with The Bear.
The Instigators (2024) 2.5 out of 5 Dock Worker Accents
Again, the down on their luck protagonists’ desperation is just tough for me. This wasn’t my cup of tea. Well made, though.
The Boxer’s Omen (1983) 2.5 out of 5 Gooey Alien Eggs
This movie is nuts. Just… Look, it’s a Shaw Brothers magical realism special effects kung fu monster movie. Whattaya want from me? A trailer?! Okay, if you insist:
Psycho Cop Returns (1993) 2.5 out of 5 Stairwells of Torturous Death
A terribly exploitative movie with terribly little value and terribly funny dialogue:
"Who are they? And why aren't they dressed?!"
"They're dressed! They're just dressed scantily!"
Def by Temptation (1990) 2.5 out of 5 Shape-Shifting Temptresses
I wanted to really like this but this demon hunter horror flick couldn’t elevate over its production value for me. I will give this another shot. Bill Nunn rocked his part, though.
Knock Knock (2015) 2.5 out of 5 Terrible Shower Decisions
This movie filled with psychological warfare is too creepy to be spicy, and the ending is just sad, even if it is inevitable. (Or was it?
Girl House (2014) 2.5 out of 5 High-Definition Webcams of Death
This horror satire on social media video culture started well but don’t turn the number of coincidences into a drinking game because things will get rough quick.
HauntedWeen (1991) 2.5 out of 5 Fraternity Fundraisers of Death
I can’t believe I enjoyed this as much as I did. Another independent horror movie made in earnest and that gives it a bit of heart, for my money.
Don’t Deliver Us From Evil (1971) 2.5 out of 5 Stolen Bicycles
You can read about the true story that inspired this one, as well as the controversy that arose from this “two teen girls murder many men” movie, but I’ll say this: it’s memorable. These two are very hard to root for, even in the horrifying ending.
The New Kids (1985) 2.5 out of 5 Amusement Parks of Death
A fun movie about a brother and sister being bullied when they move to a new town. You really have to suspend your disbelief, though, because there are so many times where somebody should just talk to an adult and end all of this nonsense.
Okay, that’s all of the 0.5-2.5 out of 5 movies. Next up: 3-3.5 out of 5 movies!
Your turn!
What about you?
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