My 2023 R-Rated Movies Ranked

Here are the R-rated movies I saw in the theater this year.

2023 was the year I went back to the movies. I had 15 theater trips in 2022, 14 in 2021, and to the February 2020 trio of 1917, Parasite, and Jumanji: The Next Level, I salute you. In 2023, I went to the theater 27 times, and I didn’t even see everything I wanted to see. I mean, The Holdovers is out of theaters already, really?!

Of the 24 titles I saw (27 outings included repeats), 8 of them were rated R. Here’s what I saw and how it rated for me:

Strays - 1 out of 5 Dog-Snatching Eagles
I figured this would hit or miss, and it was a big miss for me. I went to an evening show with around 1/3 of the theater full and I laughed the most out of anybody. I laughed probably 5-6 times total. That’s not great. A clunky story with enough “shocking” humor to turn your cheeks red, if it wasn’t so predictable. Not for me.

Napoleon - 3 out of 5 Calvary Through the Ice Sheets
Between stellar direction and brilliant acting (and both were alive and well, believe me), I’d thought this would be tremendous. Instead, it felt long (I checked my watch more during the 2 hour, 38 minute runtime of Napoleon than the 3 hour, 26 minute runtime of Killers of the Flower Moon). The battle scenes were epic - particluarly the winter battle which gives this movie’s rating system its memorable name - but by the time Napoleon’s advisors said they’re going to Waterloo, I thought, we know what happens, do we have to see it? That’s not a great attitude going into the finale.

Air - 4 out of 5 Determined Mothers
Much has been made of 2023 as the year of the apparent sub-genre, “the product brand origin story.” We got a movie about a phone (Blackberry), a video game (Tetris), a snack (Flamin’ Hot), and a shoe (Air). I didn’t see all of these movies, and I’ve only ever enjoyed one of those four products (the Game Boy music for Tetris was chisled onto my soul some 30+ years ago), but I saw and enjoyed Air. The actors seemed to have a lot of fun, Viola Davis is a wonder, and the story kept me involved as it unfolded. I have taken a new interest in the NBA in the last couple of years so maybe that helped, but above all I enjoyed watching all of these people work together to make something magical happen.

Bottoms - 4 out of 5 Face Punchers
This is one of those movies that you rely on “that friend” to recommend to you. There are the big blockbusters out there and you go see those, sure, but then you have “that friend” who says, “Sure, but did you see Bottoms, yet?” A few online buddies said it was worth it, and late night weeknight shows are why AMC A-List was invented. I had a lot of fun with this one. Plenty of laughs, lots of heart, and an ending so silly that I was impressed they went there. The cast and crew had fun online in a non-promotional way during the strikes that was obviously about being excited to be in this movie, and that was icing on the cake. The cherry on top of the icing on the cake was Marshawn Lynch. I don’t watch reality TV, but between this and Murderville, I kind of just want a camera crew to follow that guy and livestream it!

Killers of the Flower Moon - 4 out of 5 Plotting Creepy Uncles
If you thought it was long in the movie theater, just wait until the extended edition hits Apple TV+ in 2024. This was a tough watch in some ways, intriguing in others, and a haunting experience overall. Similar to how Breaking Bad or Ozark are episodic train wrecks that pull you in as the characters spin in the downward spiral, Killers of the Flower Moon keeps you squirming as you witness character after character make horrific choices instead of doing the right thing. Much ink has been spilled on who gets to tell this story and why and I’m not getting into that, except to say 1. one of the greatest filmmaers of all time, who almost became a Roman Catholic priest, appears to have taken great pains to listen to the right people when crafting this story that included an indictment of Christianity and its role in subjugating Indigenous people, and 2. if you’ve only seen the trailer and think it’s not cool that Leonardo DiCaprio’s character appears to be portrayed in a positive light… man oh man, buckle up! Lily Gladstone will win and she deserves it.

John Wick: Chapter 4 - 4.5 out of 5 Rolling Trips Down the Gigantic Staircase
This was my first John Wick movie. Isn’t that fun? I just never got around to the others. I still haven’t, but when I do, I’ve decided I’m going to watch them in reverse order, just to see what happens. This was yet another long R-rated movie this year. Could it have been tightened? Sure. But then we’d get that many less car crashes on the roundabout. That many less falls back down the staircase. That many less shotgun shells that apparently set everyone on fire. Less is not more with John Wick. When I tell people my reverse order plan, they often say I just saw the second best of them. Here’s to finding out in 2024.

Oppenheimer - 5 out of 5 Private Conversations with Einstein
I loved it. The pacing, the acting, the palette, the sound, the story, all of it. I know there are a lot of Best Picture contenders out there this year, many of which I didn’t see, but I can see this being the popular favorite going into the nomination field this year. We took our oldest to see this and she was impressed, loved the whole thing. When I hear people say the time jumps and repetitive board room scenes were confusing, I inwardly shrug and think, my nearly-teenager got this, what’s not to get? This will likely have to be a Feature Presentation in 2024 for R-Rated Movie Club, and I have an essay I’ve shopped around comparing this movie to the advent of online worship for churches, but no takers yet. I’m glad I caught this on the big screen twice and I’ll pick this up in 4K soon. And yes, we did partake of the Barbenheimer phenomenon, thanks to a $21 fedora from H&M and a $10 pink bow from Claire’s that fit snugly in the brim.

Cocaine Bear - 5 out of 5 Margo Martindales
Well, well! My old friend from Feature Presentation #3 is at the top of the list! It’s not just because I wrote - to my knowledge - the only theological reflection on Cocaine Bear in the world. It’s that I had so much just plain fun. It’s ridiculous, and I love that. It has more heart and character development than this genre is known for (or deserves, really) and that eleveated it, in my book. I went with a friend on opening night and we weren’t disappointed. I took our oldest the next day and she loved it! I went again so I could take notes to write for y’all, and I don’t regret any of it! Bless you, Cocaine Bear. 38 years later, your tragic sacrifice inspired new fun for all of us!

What did you see? How do you rate them? Let me know in the comments! Thank you for reading, and God’s peace and good movies to you!