Halloween Countdown 2024 Part 1
Three 80s cheesy horror delights to kick off October!
I finally found an excuse to write about The Stuff. And you’re here for it.
It’s October, which contains Halloween, which makes a lot of people make the month nice and spooky! Have you needed an excuse to watch a scary movie? Or perhaps as many scary movies as possible in a month? Your time has arrived!
R-Rated Movie Club is hopping on the fright train with some ghould movies to check out in this horror movie season. And while I don’t personally turn to a lot of the scariest / goriest / weirdest stories in the Bible often, there are plenty ga-gore to be found! Careful: the following pairings just may slay you!
Okay, I’ve run out of spooky word puns and I’m no Crypt Keeper. Here are three R-rated movies from the 80s that are as cheesy as they are scary, paired with a scripture reading that could have a similar scary vibe.
I didn’t intend to write about scary movies and scripture in anticipation of October and Halloween, but this was fun and if you want more, let me know in the comments!
The Stuff and the Man with Too Much Stuff
Man, oh man, do I love The Stuff. Not the product called “The Stuff” in the movie. That stuff’ll kill ya. I rented a lot of movies as a kid thanks to growing up in the heyday of VHS and I’ve got to say, I was often taken in by a great-looking cover. One movie that had one of the best VHS covers of all time? The Stuff.
How do I even explain this movie? A couple of guys at a construction site find this stuff oozing out of the ground and decide to eat it and a corporation sells it to everyone and it takes over their minds and a few explode with stuff pouring out of them while a few others are attacked by piles of the stuff and oh yeah a rival company hires an industrial saboteur to learn the stuff’s secret and he runs into the guy who used to own the company and they run into a boy who resisted the stuff that his parents tried to feed him and oh good they get the company to realize they shouldn’t sell the stuff but uh-oh the stuff is still on the black market watch out for the stuff.
You know. Your typical love story.
It’s satire, it’s campy, it’s scary, it’s funny both on purpose and accidentally, The Stuff is about what happens when you pursue temptations above all else. Believe it or not, it’s social commentary about consumerism, beauty culture, and corporate greed still stand up to this day. The kids and I recently watched my new Arrow edition of The Stuff on Blu-ray and they picked up on it nearly 40 years after it was released.
I’m pairing The Stuff with Matthew 19:16-22 when a rich man approached Jesus:
16 A man approached him and said, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to have eternal life?” 17 Jesus said, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There’s only one who is good. If you want to enter eternal life, keep the commandments.” 18 The man said, “Which ones?” Then Jesus said, “Don’t commit murder. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steal. Don’t give false testimony. 19 Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you love yourself.” 20 The young man replied, “I’ve kept all these. What am I still missing?” 21 Jesus said, “If you want to be complete, go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor. Then you will have treasure in heaven. And come follow me.” 22 But when the young man heard this, he went away saddened, because he had many possessions.
This man couldn’t turn away from his temptations, his possessions, his stuff. Instead, he turned away from Jesus. I hope you don’t turn away from The Stuff because it deserves a place of honor in 80s horror classics. Plus, it’s only 87 minutes with credits. Give it a shot.
Don’t lose your head, Leslie. Bring me your head, John.
Here’s another movie where I fell prey to an exciting-looking VHS cover only to find more cheese than scares. Still, I have a soft spot in my heart for the 1986 cult classic Chopping Mall. First of all, this movie has Dick Miller in it, so it’s automatically at least a 3-star film. Second, this typical-teenagers-sneak-into-the-mall-after-hours-and-get-hunted-by-killer-security-robots plotline is given a bit of a lift by one of the most memorable horror kills of the 80s. If that sort of thing isn’t for you, then you won’t want to watch this clip of Leslie (Suzee Slater) losing her head…
Film is art, amirite?
Okay, that scene and this movie clearly aren’t for everyone. But Vestron Video did a wonderful job with Chopping Mall, their #1 spine movie in their Blu-ray collection. And if anyone has a good sense of humor about that scene it is the amazing Suzee Slater.
You know who didn’t have a sense of humor? Herodias, apparently. She is the wife of King Herod. And his brother Philip. And she didn’t like that John the Baptist didn’t like that. In Matthew 14:1-12, we see what happens to Jesus’s cousin, John the Baptist, thanks to her cruelty:
14 At that time Herod the ruler heard the news about Jesus. 2 He said to his servants, “This is John the Baptist. He’s been raised from the dead. This is why these miraculous powers are at work through him.” 3 Herod had arrested John, bound him, and put him in prison because of Herodias, the wife of Herod’s brother Philip.
4 That’s because John told Herod, “It’s against the law for you to marry her.”
5 Although Herod wanted to kill him, he feared the crowd because they thought John was a prophet. 6 But at Herod’s birthday party Herodias’ daughter danced in front of the guests and thrilled Herod. 7 Then he swore to give her anything she asked.
8 At her mother’s urging, the girl said, “Give me the head of John the Baptist here on a plate.” 9 Although the king was upset, because of his solemn pledge and his guests he commanded that they give it to her. 10 Then he had John beheaded in prison. 11 They brought his head on a plate and gave it to the young woman, and she brought it to her mother. 12 But John’s disciples came and took his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus what had happened.
Just what every kid wishes for, yes? Thank you, mother.
This violent beheading of the beloved baptist is jarring for Jesus. It’s a reminder of the dangers of his own ministry and a sign to his followers. I’ve always found this scene quite grim and I have not explored it all that much in a worship setting. But others have certainly looked into it a lot. In fact, there are way too many classic paintings depicting this scene, if you ask me. And they say we’re too macabre these days.
You know what would be macabre? Not watching all 77 minutes of Chopping Mall. Come on, that’s shorter than a kids movie!* (* Not a kids movie!)
A Creepy Critter Creepshow and One Gross Worm Farm
Okay, one more bit of 80s campy horror that remains a true favorite. Thank goodness for a fantastic VHS cover, because that’s what got me interested in Creepshow. With writing by Stephen King and directing by George Romero, how can you go wrong? The Blu-ray release is fine, and hopefully Arrow Films will give the original the same treatment they gave Creepshow 2.
The fifth of five anthology stories told in Creepshow revolves around the miserly Upson Pratt who locks himself away in his ivory tower, partly out of paranoia and partly out of a fear of creepy crawlies. I won’t spoil the lengths of the terror he experiences that fateful night, but this glimpse into what Pratt faces may be more than enough if you’re not a fan of bugs yourself…
Let’s get back to King Herod for this one. No, not Herod the Great who ruled when Jesus was born. No, not Herod Antipas who killed John the Baptist. But Herod Agrippa. Yeah, that guy. You know, the guy in Acts of the Apostles 12:1-25 who had the apostle James killed.
Oh, you mean the Herod who was eaten alive by worms?!
Yeah, that guy.
20 Herod had been furious with the people of Tyre and Sidon for some time. They made a pact to approach him together, since their region depended on the king’s realm for its food supply. They persuaded Blastus, the king’s personal attendant, to join their cause, then appealed for an end to hostilities. 21 On the scheduled day Herod dressed himself in royal attire, seated himself on the throne, and gave a speech to the people. 22 Those assembled kept shouting, over and over, “This is a god’s voice, not the voice of a mere human!” 23 Immediately an angel from the Lord struck Herod down, because he didn’t give the honor to God. He was eaten by worms and died.
Yikes. I’m not sure why Herods kept crossing God, but they really should’ve stopped!
While the other two entries here log in at under 90 minutes each, Creepshow is a full 2 hours. But it’s also in 5 parts, so feel free to pick and choose. They all have their charm, in my humble 80s-loving opinion.
More Halloween movies to come?
I didn’t enter October planning to write about scary movies and scripture, but it just felt right to give it a shot. Should I write about a few more this month? Let me know in the comments. What scary movies do you love? What scary parts of the Bible haunt you?
And just in case you thought I was poking fun at Dick Miller, I absolutely was not. I adore Miller and his acting. He was the best! Don’t believe me? Here’s a trailer for the documentary That Guy Dick Miller.